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the affected provincial’s almanack

inept smatterings of a wood-tramp


“Once, sissies were mistaken for gentlemen; alas, now gentlemen are mistaken for sissies.”--W

“Authenticity is the most disingenuous form of narcissism, wearing a cape is the most honest form of narcissism, and wearing a boutonniere is the most fragrant form of narcissism.”--W

“It is unseemly for young men to utter maxims.”--Aristotle


I'm the author and designer of The Affected Provincial's Companion, Volume One, a collection of humorous essays, lyrical anecdotes, silly poetry, and satirical diagrams written during the twelve years I spent living in a rickety, plant-filled army barracks out in the Pine Barrens of rural Southern New Jersey. The book has amassed a small but robust following, which is to say that by publishing standards it is an unmitigated commercial failure. However, Mr. Depp's production company, Infinitum Nihil, bought the film rights to the Companion, and a script is currently in the works. Whether or not a movie will actually transpire is anyone's guess.

I am by my own admission a deeply committed dilettante, a failed dandy, an overdressed naturalist, an affected provincial, and a middle-aged weirdo. I'm as indefensible as I am unemployable. I'm an enthusiast, not an expert: an aesthete, not a connoisseur. I enjoy refined vulgarity, not vulgar refinement. I dabble in so-called rarefied pursuits for the sake of curiosity and pleasure, not for the sake of cheap snobbery.

I haven't had a day job in almost a decade, and Google has all but burned my bridges to the civilian world. I manage to support myself by writing nonsense and making nonsensical images. One of my typefaces was exhibited in The Cooper-Hewitt National Design Museum, and my wife and I made the 400 illustrations used for the species identification keys inside The American Museum of Natural History's Milstein Hall of Ocean Life, where they are on permanent display for the next thirty-odd years. I've just redesigned the new identity for Philadelphia's Rosenbach Museum and Library, home of the original manuscript of James Joyce's Ulysses (it is also the former home of Napoleon's penis, but that is another story).

The emblems I tack to the walls tend towards the small, improvised, humane, modest, open, quiet, light, poised, generous, delicate, introspective, humorous, elegant, and organic. I generally occupy myself with what a tipsy, pompous twit once called "aesthetic ecologies" (seemed clever at the time). I try to cultivate these little worlds wherever I can, be it this journal, a terrarium, my home, or my person.

I'm a miniaturist at heart, given to small impeccables. Like Mr. Beerbohm, I feel I possess a few casually-endowed gifts, none of which lend themselves to widespread appeal or towering stature. I try to curate these little trifles of mine wisely, polishing and displaying them in ways for which they are well-suited. This has allowed me to enjoy a minour reputation (minor but showy) and a modest but unfettered life, for which I am very grateful. For those of you who have bought my books or presented me with projects and assignments, I offer you my sincerest gratitude. I hope the nonsense found in my journal might lead you to your own explorations. Welcome!

Common topics in this journal include:

Artsy Tartsy
Ill-considered notions
Natural History
The Pine Barrens
Plants & Gardening
and Domestic Bird Videos.

Things which might be of interest at LordWhimsy.com:

The Whimsy FAQs page
The Whimsy Video Arcade
The Whimsy Tie Knot, Moustache Care and Pocket Square Fold Page
More on The Affected Provincial's Companion


I apologize in advance to those of you who take the time to post comments, email me etc. and fail to get a response from yours truly. Try as I might, there simply isn't enough hours in the day, and I don't have assistants to pick up the slack. I can only hope that it is not taken personally.

FRIENDING POLICY: Those who wish to 'friend' this journal need not ask to do so. Welcome.

POSTING POLICY: Most if not all of my posts are public; I can't remember the last time I made a "friends only" post. I rarely revisit posts more than two days old, so any posters--anonymous or otherwise--whose comments I fail to notice or clear for public view should not feel deliberately snubbed.

COMMENTS POLICY: All are welcome to comment, but this journal is maintained first and foremost for those who value the same things I do. One of those things is civility. Posting here is a privilege, not a right: Anyone who feels this journal is fit for public abuse simply because it is open to public view should look elsewhere. A baseline standard of mature, civilized behavior is expected; please spare me the burden of holding you to it myself. Challenge, disagree, or debate if you like, but I ask that everyone mind their manners--or I won't mind mine.

Don't like my conditions? Well, I probably wouldn't like your tie.

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