The · Affected · Provincial’s · Almanack

Oh, to be one inch long with fins and gills, floating through this small universe of muted light and lush vegetation.

I envy my betta fish sometimes. Such a pretty little fellow. I certainly hope someone designs a new car after his piscine form one day. Can't let the boxfish have all the fun, you know.

~W

Left: Baby food jar, old light bulb, blue mouthwash, glass vial, molt-husk of a praying mantis.

Center: Small tripod, glass vitrine, a collection of moths and butterflies found on roadsides, a cat skull, glass ampules, metal flashing, two-ounce lead sinker, wire.

Right: Baby food jar, yellow decorative sand, rock crab's claw, mesh tea ball, molt-husk of a cicada

I've always been consumed by the natural history/wunderkammen aesthetic, and have collected the remains of animals, plants, mollusks, and insects for as long as I can remember. Growing up in a bay put me in very close proximity to nature's flotsam and jetsam; a treasure trove was revealed at every low tide. Sometimes one came across a clatter of turquoise-clawed crabs perched like pashas upon the pearly innards of a dead skate, as if the creature were an Ottoman rug. Indeed, some of the finds were quite grisly, but alien and beautiful--like the purplish, glistening organs of a nameless deep sea creature washed in by a storm, or the carcass of a whale, seal, or sea turtle, whose mammoth, otherworldly proportions took no human use or concern into consideration. This notion thrilled me. Living on the ocean's quivering lip, one was always aware that there was a very unpredictable, bizarre world beyond that silvery horizon--one that encompassed ours. Such thoughts were of great comfort, even if they are no longer true today.

I am always trying to find artful ways to surround myself with the organic forms made by living things. It's a passive process--I only take what the organism has dispensed with (spent chrysalids, bones, shells, dried husks, fossils, etc.) Even a whiff of the bitter, acidic musk of decomposing butterflies can cheer one in the dead of wnter.

It isn't a macabre sensibility for me at all; I love the forms, the patterns, the texture. To me, they are both specimen and emblem.

~W

Dear Lord Whimsy,

I m very interested how a Dandy wears his Hair. Please send me some Tips. I have long hair, what should I do????

With kind regards,
"J" (Name witheld)

Hello, "J" ~

I hope this letter finds you happy and well.

You pose a very good question; I've always kept my hair close and clean, but have grown it out over the winter, so I am grappling with this subject, too.

I suppose like everything else with dandyism, the form follows the principle; that is to say, a sense of wit should be expressed in one's appearance, and that would include one's hair. One might say that the heart of wit is economy and control, so everything about your appearance should be deliberate, but not contrived. This can be very difficult; I fail at achieving this balance quite often (although intentionally falling short of this ideal has a wryness to it that can provide a kind of saving grace, but that's another matter entirely).

The form one's hair takes is in large part dictated by one's personal style. For instance, some men will dress as neat as a pin up to their neck, only to have their hair somewhat free-flowing to provide a surprising contrast. Other men's hair is conventionally and neatly groomed (which is usually the safest route, but can lack critical panache where it is most needed). Many of the most stylish men I know are shaved completely bald. It's a push/pull dynamic: tight and crisp here, loose and free there. The ideal is a lively balance: the overall effect shouldn't be too loose, nor too tight.

No matter how you decide to wear your hair, it is always important that it is well-groomed, healthy, and suitable to your appearance (facial features, age, weight, height, complexion, hair thickness, head shape, etc). I wouldn't recommend running around looking like Fabio, but I can't dismiss long hair out of hand, because there is an exception to every rule. That said, I will say that I think most men of European descent tend to look better with shorter hair, as our hair tends to be fine in texture and lays flat when long. Whether or not you are the exception is entirely up to you, of course; ultimately, it is your own aesthetic decision. Either way, I wish you good luck in your pursuit of sartorial glory.

With warmest sentiments,
W